I’m getting to that age where I start conversations with the phrase, ‘Let me tell you something…’. This is usually accompanied by a raised index finger.
Here are five things I’ve come to understand in life.
- Parties get better if you stay until the end. People loosen up, get drunker, get tired: they fray around the edges. Their defences crumble; their vulnerabilities increase. They may look worse, they may even behave worse, but the party will become more interesting. If you can, come late to parties and stay late at them. You’ll have more fun than if you do the reverse.
- From laughter comes crying, says an old Yiddish saying. Parents know this rule well. A shrieking, giggling child will soon fall off a step, bump its head or be mortally insulted by something – and then start weeping. Adults are no different.
- The rate at which you drink almost always exceeds your conscious awareness of your sobriety.
- It’s monstrously easy to boast on Facebook, but, despite their claims otherwise, people don’t like it. There is a solution to this problem. Form a secret FB syndicate. You each boast about someone else’s success. It’s perfectly acceptable, even highly praised, to compliment someone else. The same information will be entering the world, but you will not be despised for it.
- Everybody is a little bit kinky. They may not have done it. But they’ve thought, fantasised, heard, seen or read something that is weird and titillating to them. If you stay late at parties, you may find out what that is.